While leaving for work on the first day of spring
Now the white cloud jumps twice round the rooftop,
like a circular phantom of her last cold breath.
she was near silver madness from looking out frost's window,
at all those gray crystal tree branches.
like a circular phantom of her last cold breath.
she was near silver madness from looking out frost's window,
at all those gray crystal tree branches.
Today, the little girl might be thinking, we'll have a new kind of white,
with hopes of lemonade stands, of honeysuckle, of a new green leaf.
The dog, wrapped up in the blind cord again, slides it's nervous tail,
hiding it behind the girls cool aide covered legs,
The dog sniffs, not quite noticing the girl is sulking, or that taste of potato chips.
but I notice. It blues my lavender hat, wanting a green brim.
I glance back to see white gloves in tufts, through honey combed shades,
becoming a chipped mountain calla lily. Indeed, the blinding has completely
transformed my porcelain girl's tear into a blurry smile.
Her gloves move a tea cup then a rag doll, and a plate made in china.
The bronze mirror, behind the window, frames her lovely sleepy hair.
The bronze mirror, behind the window, frames her lovely sleepy hair.
It moves now, our golden lock, perhaps to the basement to find a kite.
Hoping, that when I return, she may greet Daddy with a breezy
warm afternoon, of playing in blue grass, of needing a bath.
Jeff,
ReplyDeleteMy first thought on this draft is that you have a lot going on here...enough for about 3 or 4 drafts, I'd wager. I would start by picking one instance and focusing only on that. If you wanted to expand the draft into a sprawling multi-stanza workhorse, which I know you have the talent for, do that. Just be sure to pay each specific image/instance the attention and closeness they deserve.
One instance that I particularly enjoyed occurred in the final stanza. I immediately wanted to know more about this little girl and the father/daughter dynamic. There is a Bruce Bond poem that details a father playing a piano with her tiny hands draped over his own. I can't remember the title, but Dr. Davidson should know, and I think it may prove useful. I hope tjhis helps.