New Moon Closet Case
You want the rainbow, but the moon won't relent.
So you are up all night with good company,
a blue dog and your tween's cliff-hanger.
You recline through trite vampires and werewolves.
Fatherhood: rough times now become the smiling fantasies of
you, and the gentle moon shape shifts into the fieriest of night lights, howling.
You are galvanic with the reinvention of a dark youth
to undertake and complete anything is possible while,
brushing off your intellect, the old soggy leather
brain, you are guiltless, knowing all the rest
are peaceful (in bed).
So you are up all night with good company,
a blue dog and your tween's cliff-hanger.
You recline through trite vampires and werewolves.
Fatherhood: rough times now become the smiling fantasies of
you, and the gentle moon shape shifts into the fieriest of night lights, howling.
You are galvanic with the reinvention of a dark youth
to undertake and complete anything is possible while,
brushing off your intellect, the old soggy leather
brain, you are guiltless, knowing all the rest
are peaceful (in bed).
Jeff thanks for your comments on my Improv last week. So, I am about to embark on this same calisthenic, so I'm so glad you did such a thorough explanation.
ReplyDeleteI am noticing that I am often making my objects passive when I should make them active. That is how I go about trying to cut out language. For example, what if you made it "the relenting/relentless moon wants rainbows" or "trite vampires recline through fatherhood."
As far as meaning, I don't know, but this is something that tends to lead me down other paths. I start thinking hmmm..what do vampires look like when they recline in Lazy Boys? :)
Some fantastic language in there. I would suggest a reorientation, here. What happens if you veer away from the New Moon context now and name this, for example, "The Night of the Eclipse" or "The Lover"? Some way of reorienting the language away from the original intent.
ReplyDelete