Baby dies at 40
Mom and Dad, March 16th,2009, I too am silent be at peace.
olykoeks stuffed with paparazzi oozing, shatter your pens and your lenses.
Barkers at the sophist moon, I too am passed now be at ease.
Suicide is nameless, all you fame-less skivers please be silent and joyful.
Peace is sport fishing, ripped from a glass of smoked porter.
Chinook Salmon, Pacific Halibut, and the Rainbow Trout of 'dreams'.
Ride in on the silver trails the Kenai or the Kasilof river.
Dive deep in blue facades of the bliss of longing,never to return to the gleam.
creative erasure and expansions with help from Dr. Davidson.
I too am silent before the water.
I cannot speak but once my soft palette uttered,
beneath the sky some sophist moon song that passed into loveliness.
Now, nameless I live with Seiners who wrote of the clear and the salt.
Those who dreamily spoke of cutting, shards across their fumes
of sensuous ink and a pale prince of poison, her own idolotry.
What is remembered from the hazy bow-tie of azure, and his
handsomeness is froth and lies at the bottom of the Locke.
Hues of Chinook Salmon, Pacific Halibut,
Rainbow Trout all ride on the smeared silver
of Kena and Kasilof. Deep in the blue
facades of their longing, which will never
in my mind return to the gleam.
I now crown and feather the rims of the atom I shook
around the Tsukiji market ripped from a glass of borrowed smoked port,
for the Pseudoliparis amblystomopsis scientist findings have sunk
deeper than any writing desk or halibut steak with burnt ashen
cancers, never to glisten again .
This is perfect for some compression and creative erasure. Take for instance this form of erasure:
ReplyDeleteI too am silent before the water.
beneath the sky, where some sophist moon
passes into loveliness. I am nameless, too,
ripped from the glass of the lake.
Chinook Salmon, Pacific Halibut,
Rainbow Trout ride on the silver
of Kenai, of Kasilof. Deep in the blue
facades of their longing, they never
return to the gleam.
Notice, too, how I ratcheted up the surface-level logic. I didn't force it, but I tempered the ranginess of the original draft (which is exactly what you want your first drafts to do: be rangy).
Great work, Jeff. Also, feel free to build off what we do in these exchanges. Even if I erased some language there, it's still yours.